I have recently taken to asking my friends “what is God to you?” like digging for adolescent theologies or participating in some amature spiritual research I have had replies like, “the laws of physics”. I received a reply with an idea of “great white loving light”. I had a reply that “god just is” or one of my favorites was when I asked “when you say God, what is your higher power to you?” and they said “I refer to it as God”. A redundancy of truths from each individual, they all seem connected and the same idea. When I first considered God my mind was settled with “he physical laws that govern the universe” or “Good Orderly Direction”. I just let it be at that and leapt into the trusting the universe to work in an efficient way. Then I suddenly was thrust into the realization of suffering, how easily one forgets until sickness, abuse, slaughter, or death is brought into the light in front of their eyes. I began to question and wonder, how and why would the universe allow such pain even on those who have deep untainted innocence?
How could a God that I love and trust allow that? Is this for me even to question? Do we all at some point question this? Then today there was a moment of blissful epiphany, which now come so few and far in between as the path I travel begins to narrow. In the pool I was entrusting my body to move freely though the water letting go of all of my concerns into the warm liquid wrapped around me. Then suddenly there was a need to look up out of the water and a little girl was making an effort to swim, crying and flailing, she was full of fear. Even though this little girl was almost to the edge swimming quite strong with her legs she was afraid that she couldn’t touch the bottom, she was afraid to drown. Instinct took over within me and my body moved quickly in a way before my mind even noticed, in the moment I lifted her out of the water and into the welcoming arms of her mother. Her mother comforted her, yet at the same time thanked me, and she returned safety to the enjoyment of splashing in the pool.
Really here, I am the one who is thankful. I am thankful because I trusted my body to do the right thing and it did, I let go of worry and concern and was allowed a gentle moment to show another person it’s ok to trust the loving arms of god. God is that instinct within each one of us, that feeling that we can’t quite put our finger on that guides us in the right direction and nudges us when we stray from the path of enlightenment. God is that loving kindness that returns always to your soul, God is the laughter of a child or the wind in your ears. And I come to now know God in a sincere and fundamental way. I now realize that in a sense all of my friends are right. God is that knowing in the midst of chaos and confusion when we quite our minds the right answer will come. God is hope, peace, light, love, truth, kindness, god is within you.